You & I
by nuka-cherries
Summary: When childhood friends Silvia Shepard and Jeff "Joker" Moreau reunite after almost twenty years worth of extranet letters and video calls, life and its wonders just naturally get in the way. With feelings becoming stronger, the inevitability of the Reaper war looms ahead of them. But Joker knows the Alliance and their rules about fraternization. But should they not get caught...


**First off, shout out to the bene squad for putting up with my constantly changing and procastination of this fic.**

 **Shout out to the write of the way chat and the writing session folks for helping me with the summary! It was so much fun!**

 **Shout out to my moms celestialskys for the hype and overlooking this chapter. and of course, to the wine, the meme, the legend...templarsandhoes for dragging me into this rare pair hell. love it here. it's quite warm.**

 **(Also AlyssAlenko if you're out there, know that I love you and your fics give me life.)**

* * *

Day One

* * *

Joker was going through the motions, like he did every time the Normandy hit the relay. He was so accustomed to it, it was almost like tying a shoelace.

Granted, hitting a target the size of a pinhead was nothing like a shoelace.

"Drift is just under fifteen hundred K. And… we're set," he said.

"Fifteen hundred is good. Your Captain will be pleased. It's a good ship you run, Flight Lieutenant." The compliment did not feel genuine. Almost backhanded, like if it were a mediocre feat.

Joker rolled his eyes, knowing that Nihlus wouldn't see him from where he was standing.

Before he could respond, he saw the Turian turn on his heel and walk the opposite direction.

Uh.

Okay.

"I hate that guy," Joker said out loud. He didn't care if Nihlus heard him or if comms were open. The Spectre would deserve to know.

"Nihlus gave you a compliment, so, you hate him?" Kaidan asked.

"He's stuck up, full of arrogance and thinks he has the right to call the shots on something he doesn't know about."

"Did you just describe yourself?"

Aside the Commander, Kaidan was his best friend. And sometimes, he oh so happened to hate him a little.

Like now.

"Oh. Haha. Hahaha. Reaaaal funny, Alenko. But my point still stands; I don't like him. Who is he to be telling me how good my ship is?" Joker grumbled. "I've been knowing how damn good the Normandy is. Alternate pilot who? I don't know them. Because I'm always flying and present to keep an eye on things."

Joker didn't earn his spot on the Normandy by stealing it for a flight run for nothing.

"We all know you clock in overtime when you should be asleep," Kaidan said.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I noticed the blanket you keep under the panel."

Joker waved him away and kicked the fleece blanket away. "My sleeping habits are besides the point. I don't have a good feeling about this 'shake-down' run," he did air quotes around the words. "Any other ship could have done it. But why us? Why Eden Prime?"

"Easy. The Captain gave us orders, so we have to follow them," Kaidan said simply. "It's that simple."

He heard footsteps approach the cockpit and the small creak of the upper leather headrest as weight was leaned on it.

He didn't have to look to his left to know it was Commander Shepard, taking her usual position as she looked over his shoulder.

"What's going on?" Shepard asked, stifling a yawn. She must have barely woken up.

"Hey Commander," Kaidan greeted.

"Hello Lieutenant, Joker. So, what's going on?"

"There's a Spectre on board," Joker said, the title leaving a bad taste in his mouth.

"A Spectre?" Shepard frowned. "Like, Council-based Spectre?"

"Yes ma'am. It's what has Joker so paranoid," Kaidan turned to face her. "He's been rambling about it for the past ten minutes."

"Okay, first, that's an exaggeration; it hasn't been ten minutes, it's maybe been four. And second, I dare you to keep calling me paranoid, Alenko. All of us know that Spectres mean nothing but trouble," Joker continued as he fidgeted with some levers on the orange screens. "Besides, I'm always on edge when there's anyone of very high rank on an unassuming vessel."

"Unassuming vessel being the fastest and most technologically advanced ship in the galaxy?" Shepard asked.

Joker remained quiet for a few seconds, before he recovered and said, "You know what I mean."

"Why would you be paranoid? This is a Council funded project. They have every right to send one of their own to check on their investment," Kaidan said.

"The Lieutenant does have a point," Shepard said. "Think about it, Joker."

"That's the official story, but only people who think gullible is written on the ceiling believe the official story."

Joker stood by a lot of things. A bullshit mission objective wasn't one of them. And he knew the Commander wouldn't throw him off board for mouthing off. She was used to his bullshit.

"I believe what I believe," Joker continued. "We don't go anywhere unless we're sent somewhere. And we never go somewhere. Isn't it a bit weird?"

"You always expect the worst," Shepard said.

"Yeah, well, bad feelings come with the job. Like I said, we don't go anywhere unless there's a damn good reason. And none of us, including you, Commander, know that reason. So, why are we going to Eden Prime?"

"That's...a good question," Shepard said. "A question I'm not awake enough to answer."

"Last I checked, Jenkins didn't finish up the coffee so you might have a chance to get a pick-me-up," Joker said.

Before Shepard could respond, the communicative radio flared up with an in-ship transmission from Anderson.

"Joker! Status report," Anderson's voice cut in crisply.

Joker subconsciously sat up straight and before he pressed the on-screen button to respond. "Just cleared the mass relay, Captain. Stealth systems engaged. Everything looks to be one hundred percent solid."

"Good. Find a comm buoy and link us into the network. I want all mission reports to be relayed back to Alliance brass before we reach Eden Prime."

"Aye, aye, Captain. Oh, also sir, you better brace yourself; Nihlus is heading your way."

A few seconds of silence before Captain Anderson responded with a flat "He's already here, Lieutenant."

Joker grimaced.

"Anyways, tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the comm room for a debriefing. I figured she'd be in the cockpit."

Although Shepard had only been on the Normandy for a week, the fact that she spent most of her free-time in the cockpit was well known. She hadn't had a mission just yet, with the Alliance giving her a few days to get familiar with the ship and the crew. It was almost merciful, but he guessed that bliss period is over and now they were getting to the real nit grit of missions.

"You figured right," Joker said. He glanced upwards to face Shepard. "You got that, Commander?"

"I'm on my way."

As Shepard left the cockpit, Joker turned to ask Kaidan, "Is it just me or does the captain always sound a little pissed off?"

To which Kaidan laughed and said, "Only when he's talking to you, Joker."

* * *

As predicted, the mission wasn't a simple shakedown run.

The day after the mission had started on a grim note, with word of Jenkins's memorial service happening on the Citadel once they docked, since Eden Prime was compromised and no longer in commission for the time being.

Joker knew Jenkins. It was a small ship, everyone knew everyone. Granted, he wasn't as close with him as Kaidan was.

The zombie looking creatures only incremented with each dead civilian being added to the pile of casualties. It took awhile for the report to be written up, due to Shepard being unconscious for fifteen, almost sixteen hours.

Kaidan had retreated for his lunch break in the mess leaving Joker alone in the cockpit.

"Day one of being on the field and you're getting shot at," Joker said instead of hello. Internally, he was relieved that she was able to stand and walk, but he wasn't much to voice that kind of sentiment. Banter was easy. Sentimentality was not.

Especially when she could have died in any one of those moments in those fifty minutes the mission took.

It was the first mission aboard the Normandy that had casualties.

He checked on her while she was unconscious before he retreated to his bunk, after he asked Dr. Chakwas a few questions about Shepard's condition.

Truth was that he had been overjoyed when he found out that Commander Shepard, his Shepard that he had grown up with since they were both children on Arcturus Station, was back in his life rather than just a delayed email response away.

But he had to be professional around the Captain. Around Kaidan too, to a very far degree.

But around Silvia?

He let those barriers drop just a little.

"All part of the job," Shepard said with a wince as she rubbed her temple.

"How's your head?" Joker asked. "Heard you took one hell of a knockout."

"I still feel like the morning after shore leave," Shepard said as she leaned to the left ledge next to the console.

"Yikes. Say no more," Joker said. "I recommend that next time, you just stay away from mysterious Prothean beacons. It'll prevent you from having that problem."

"Wow. Just-wow. Thank you for your undying support," Shepard said sarcastically. "It's so very much appreciated during this trying time."

"You know me. I change lives with every word I say. I should be a motivational speaker after I retire."

"I worry for your audience," Shepard held a bandaged hand to her heart.

"Wait, what happened to your hand?" Joker asked.

A slightly bloodstained bandage was wrapped around her knuckles. She lacked any scratches or signs that she had gotten physical with one of the zombie creatures.

"Oh, that. Omni-gel couldn't break the lock with some trapped civilians, so, I did."

It took Joker a few moments for the realisation that Shepard punched through a lock panel sink in.

"Jesus Christ, Silvia," he said incredulously, but wasn't as shocked as he sounded.

"What?" Shepard asked innocently. "It didn't hurt much. The glass just cut through my glove a little, that's all."

You mean industrial military grade armor.

Joker reached out to closely inspect the bandages on her hand. He noticed that the material was thick gauze rather than the usual thin linen used for cuts. Cut must have been bigger than what Shepard said.

"You punched through a locked door panel," Joker responded as he let go of her hand. "Christ, Shepard. You might as well bunk in the infirmary if fighting is your plan of action every time."

"Already did. For fifteen hours."

She was always the hard-hitter back on Arcturus station. Always punch first, ask questions later. The scar on her left eyebrow was from a rather brutal playground fight that Joker had been witness to when they were both children.

"You should still be careful," Joker said.

"It was the least of my problems," Shepard shrugged. "When you have space zombies running around and electrocuting everything, a small scratch is nothing. We've been calling the creatures husks in the mission report. I'm sure the Council is going to get a laugh out of that."

"You're gonna get an audience with the Council?" Joker asked.

"We're going to try. It doesn't look good that their payload was destroyed and that one of their off-duty Spectres showed up to kill an on-duty Spectre on our mission while under our command."

Oh, right. That happened.

"Poor Jenkins. Kid didn't stand a chance. Those Geth drones ripped right through his shields," her tone became serious. "It's not a good feeling to lose someone under your command."

"Jenkins is not your fault, Silvia," Joker said. "Neither is Nihlus."

"I know. It's just not a good feeling, that's all. It's not the first time I've lost a soldier, but I always hope it's the last. A naive hope."

"Silv, just what happened down there?"

"Absolutely everything went wrong, Jeff. We lost two good guys and re-discovered a new enemy. We walked into an ambush," Shepard crossed her arms. "Thanks to that, two of our own are dead and so are countless of civilians. Eden Prime is compromised. It was unlike anything I've ever seen before. Dead bodies coming to life, Geth showing up with guns. It looked like something out of a science fiction movie."

"Jeez."

"And...there's something else. At the Prothean beacon, I saw some kind of...vision."

That hadn't been inside the mission report.

"Like, you can see into the future kind of vision?" Joker asked.

"I don't know. At least I don't hope so. It could be nothing. You have so many fucked up hells in your head that they all start to take a mind of its own when you go to sleep," Shepard said. "But this was-I don't know what it was. It was disturbing, to say the least."

"Are you going to tell the Council?" Joker asked.

"About my nightmare sequence? No way. They wouldn't take us seriously. All of this shit happened on a human colony," Shepard sighed. "Things don't look so good."

"But you'll figure it out, right? You're Shepard. You always figure it out. You've gotten out of stickier situations."

"Let's hope so," Shepard sighed. "But to change the subject; on Anderson's authority, set our next destination for the Citadel. Time to get this shitshow on the road."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Reviews are appreciated!**


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